please delete content

by vox nihili

Published January 8, 2009

In works

content deleted

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Eimear
Review
Eimear wrote a review Review · Jan 8, 2009

Hey, how's it going?

Firstly, I want to thank you for posting this. If anything, I feel more educated on the subject of Tourettes. I didn't know what it was until I read this. I also didn't know what a dystonic reaction was, either. I chose this poem to critque because it captured my interest.

This was very honest and graphic at times. This is exactly, in my opinion, what poetry is about. Although you deviated from pure poetry- this doesn't contain all the poetic devices you would normally see in a poem, it is still poetry in my book as what you've written really comes from the heart. And it shocked me, and it spoke to me. So well done.

Some of your descriptions are great- especially, given the subject matter is so sensitive and personal to you. I liked this:

Something feels amiss,

As if something in the back of my mind

Is waiting, for me to put down my guard,


You conveyed dread perfectly. Well done.

"Is she nonverbal?" one doctor asks,

And I want to sit up and say, "You idiot, are you insane?"


Good use of dialogue.

I liked this metaphor, even though it was a little obvious, I still liked it.

Still contorting, my spine, jaws, neck and face

Contort and writhe like a colony of snakes.


One criticism I would have is that due to the strong narrative nature of it the account is a little long. I think, if you were to re-draft this piece it would read better if you reconsidered a few of the unnecessary descriptions. Poetry can work wonderfully in smaller doses than longer ones. It's just a suggestion anyway.

So, all in all I enjoyed this. It's obvious that you used this as a means of release and that it totally awesome. That my friend, is how it should be done.

Please PM me if you have any questions- or I've just confused you- I'm not very good at articulating myself sometimes. My bad!

xxxx



When your heart gets pierced with arrows, don't rip them out and pierce those around you in retribution for your hurt. You'll only unnecessarily wound others and bleed to death yourself.
— LadyMysterio